« Because I Said So »: Powerful Conversations You Should Have With Your Child
Every parent wants to raise a happy, well-adjusted child, but sometimes the daily grind can make it easy to forget to communicate openly and honestly with our kids. We tackle finances, marital struggles, and even political opinions, all while unintentionally leaving our children out of the loop. This lack of transparency can create anxiety and confusion, and it misses valuable opportunities to teach and connect.
Here’s the truth: most of us weren’t intentionally leaving our kids in the dark. It’s often an unconscious omission. Imagine you’re feeling overwhelmed – maybe it’s work stress or a disagreement with your spouse. Instead of confiding in your child (age-appropriately, of course) you put on a brave face and pretend everything is fine. But is that really the best course of action?
While there are definitely some topics best left undiscussed with younger children, there’s a wealth of information we can share that can ease their anxieties and equip them for the future. By including your child in your world – your experiences, your thought processes, and even your struggles – you create a powerful teaching moment.
Even the most mundane tasks can be opportunities for learning. Imagine baking cookies with a toddler. As you add ingredients, explain their purpose: « The baking powder makes the cookies fluffy! » or « The sugar makes them sweet! » You become a live narrator, explaining your actions and the reasons behind them. This is a fantastic way to teach without textbooks or classrooms.
Now, let’s delve into nine specific conversations you might not have realized you should be having with your child:
Narrate Your Screen Time: We all know the importance of monitoring our children’s online activity, but what about our own screen time habits? The constant presence of smartphones can send a confusing message. Here’s the solution: narrate your own phone use! Explain what you’re doing – « I’m going to answer these emails for 30 minutes » – and set a timer. This transparency and predictability can dramatically reduce interruptions and reassure your child that they’ll have your full attention again soon.
Be Honest About Your Emotions: Transparency about your own feelings is powerful. It shows your child that you’re not perfect, and in turn, helps them manage their own emotions. Feeling down? Let them know: « I’m not feeling my best today, but it has nothing to do with you. I love you very much. »
It’s Okay to Say « I Don’t Know »: We don’t have all the answers, and that’s perfectly alright. Instead of offering a rushed response, model critical thinking by saying, « I need some time to think about that. I’ll get back to you soon. » This teaches your child the valuable life skill of pausing before reacting.
Marital Struggles Don’t Have to Be Scary: While you don’t need to get into specifics, it’s important to acknowledge disagreements with your spouse. Let your children know that disagreements are normal, but that you’ll work through them together. For example, you could say, « Mom and Dad are having a disagreement, but we’ll figure it out. »
Tough Times Don’t Last Forever: Life throws curveballs, and when your family faces challenges, reassure your child that it’s temporary. Acknowledge the difficulty, but offer hope: « This is hard right now, but it won’t be forever. »
Share Your Values: Part of preparing your child for the world is explaining your beliefs, whether political, spiritual, or moral. Disagree with something in the news? Explain why, and how it connects to your family’s values. This equips them to make their own wise choices down the road.
Celebrate Their Awesomeness: It’s easy to get caught up in correcting behavior, but don’t forget positive reinforcement! Point out your child’s successes and positive qualities more often than their mistakes. Remember, connection comes before correction. A simple « I saw how you included your sister today. That was kind » can go a long way.
Own Up to Your Mistakes: Everyone makes mistakes, and how you handle them is a powerful lesson for your child. Did you lose your temper? Apologize sincerely: « I shouldn’t have spoken to you that way. I’m sorry. Can we try again? » This models healthy conflict resolution, forgiveness, and humility.
The Power of Prayer: There’s something beautiful about asking someone how you can support them. Consider including your child in your prayer life. Ask, « How can I pray for you? » This can open up meaningful conversations
